Fun With Telemarketers: A Primer
Every business gets their share of telemarketers.
“Hello sir, my name is Joseph,” said the very un-Joseph sounding individual. “I’m representing [insert impressive sounding non-company name here] and I’d like to speak with whoever is in charge of your website.”
“Well, Joseph, that’d be me,” I replied.
“Sir, our company has authorized me to offer you an exclusive opportunity to increase the performance of your website. For a limited time I can offer you tremendous discounts on our ground breaking technology. For only….”
“Excuse me… Joseph, is it?”
“Yes sir, I am Joseph…”
“Joseph, have you even looked at our website?”
“Um. Excuse me sir?”
“Have you seen our website? I’m just wondering because I believe a company as important as yours should be sure of who they’re doing business with. I mean, how can you be sure your ground-breaking product will work on our website?”
The sound of furious clicking comes to me over the phone as poor Joseph tries in vain to circumvent the proxy access his cubicle has to the internet. “Um, sir… I’m uh… having a little problem here…”
“We’re not just a name on a list are we, Joseph?”
“Um, well sir… to be honest…”
“...Because I’m not sure I could be persuaded to do business with a company that doesn’t take the time to get to know their possible clients.”
“Well… um… I could take you off our calling list…”
“WHAT!? Take me off your list? Why would you do THAT?”
“Um… I didn’t intend to bother you sir… I just have you on my list and…”
“SO! Now we’re not good enough for you?”
“Sir, I never… “
“WELL. If we’re not good enough for you… if you’re SO willing to hastily remove us from your calling list, then I think that’s JUST what you should do. GOOD DAY, sir.”
My only regret is that I haven’t the skill to deliver the last line in a clipped, proper British accent.